How to Ruin Skiing for Your Kids- 25 Tips to Ensure Your Kids Don't Love to Ski and Snowboard.
Do you just love the idea of spending hundreds of dollars on ski passes, ski gear, equipment, parking and food? Does the thought of schlepping your gear, your kids’ gear, and half the car through the parking lot and dealing with the massive crowds make you giddy with excitement? Yeah, that’s what we thought. You’re not alone.
Never fear, we’ve compiled the ultimate list to make sure your children have such an awful experience on the ski slopes that they’ll never want to go again (saving you money, stress, and back pain). Follow these tips and you’ll be spared years of the absolute misery that is known as the “Family Ski Day”.
The Right Start
1. Have a late night beforehand. Sleep never helped anyone anyway.
2. You’re definitely going to want to give your child the sugariest breakfast you can. (Don’t they make an all marshmallow version of Lucky Charms??) Lots of sugar; the more the better.
It’s All About the Clothes
3. Wool socks are overrated. Thin cotton socks will be totally sufficient. You don’t want their feet being too warm.
4. To layer or not to layer...Choose one, there is no in between here- Single layer of lightweight thin cotton clothes OR 3-4 layers of extra bulky clothes. Lots of layers. Extra socks are always a bonus; blisters can end a ski day real quick..
5. Don’t have your child use the bathroom before starting the dressing process.
6. Snow Pants that are thin and not water-resistant. If they get wet from falling, maybe they’ll stop falling so much.
7. Use a lightweight coat. Wind and water resistance is not something you need to be distracted by.
8. Thin cheap gloves. You don’t ski with your fingers, so they don’t need to be warm and dry. Save the money.
9. Bike helmet. Ski helmets are overpriced and not necessary. Why would you ever need something designed specifically for the activity you're doing? And forget about the warm layers to keep their ears warm. Unnecessary bulk. Ski safety is overrated anyway.
Off to the Lift
10. Make them carry their own gear. The little weaklings need to build some muscle.
11. Don’t prepare them for the lift. That can be part of the surprise- learn as you go.
12. Don’t prepare them for unloading from the lift. Give them a helpful “shove” off the chair. They’ll tumble down the unloading hill and be fine.
Skiing and Snowboarding
13. The best way to learn is to just send them down the slope. Every fall is a learning opportunity.
14. Avoid the Bunny Hill. That’s for losers and babies.
15. Make sure to laugh when they fall. Kids love that.
16. Don’t encourage them. Criticism is always more effective.
17. Use phrases like “Toughen up, buttercup,” “That didn’t hurt,” “Stop crying or I’ll give you a reason to cry.”
18. Try to get as many runs in as possible. Breaks are not necessary.
19. Wear earplugs if needed to mute the whining.
20. Don’t have them be visible. It’s fun watching the other skiers and snowboarders dodge them at the last minute or run into them. That will end the trip even sooner than expected, so it’s a bonus!
Helpful Tips to Really Put it Over the Top
21. Don’t pack lunch or snacks.
22. Only bring $5. That’s plenty of cash to have on hand for the lodge food if needed.
23. Limit the bathroom breaks. They can hold it. Too many potty breaks just means they’re drinking too much water.
24. If they’re cold, it means they’re not working hard enough. Do another run.
25. The day is not over until your children are a complete mess- tired, sore, cold, hungry, crying. The magic words you’re listening for are, “I never want to do this again!” and “I hate skiing/snowboarding!”
These are guaranteed to spare you the years of pain and suffering you’re about to face if you decide to get your kids into skiing. Don’t worry, all the pictures you see of proud parents posing on the mountaintop with their children are fake. They obviously bribed or threatened them to make them smile and look happy. Don’t listen to the stories about the triumphs of completing their first [blue, black, double black] run. Anyone who tries to tell you about the amazing experience of bonding and sharing a love for skiing and snowboarding with their child is clearly in the pockets of the ski industry. Ignore it all and just buy your kids a video game instead.
If you’re still brave enough to teach your child and embark on the awesome journey of skiing and snowboarding with your kids, check out our tips on how to have a successful ski day. Skiing with kids can be an amazing experience and you can develop a lifelong bond with your child that lasts well into their adult years.